Guess How Much I Love You

"Open my heart, Lord - help me to love like You. Open my heart, Lord - help me to love."
(Jesse Manibusan)

"Having a baby changes everything." How many times had I heard this claim before? And how many times had I thought, "Of course it does," but never really knew what it truly meant, until I had my own baby who turned my world upside down?

I was six months pregnant with Edward when I first read a little classic book called "Guess How Much I Love You." Edison bought it and started reading it to our unborn child. As he was going through the pages of how Little Nutbrown Hare and Big Nutborwn Hare were competing about who loves whom more, I couldn't help but feel a deeper love for the father of my son. Talk about changes. Our child wasn't even born yet, but a deeper sense of commitment was beginning to bond us stronger than ever. Once upon a time, there were just the two of us.

And then there were three...

The first few months of being a new mommy was such a surreal experience. It felt like I was in a permanent state of euphoria. Maybe my post-partum hormones just couldn't find a stable level or that the epidural shot me right through another plane of existence, but I literally felt like my heart was overflowing with love that I never even knew existed. All of a sudden, I had in my arms a newborn baby, who I wanted to shield from all possible harm and heartache. I wanted to create a protective bubble that could go with him everywhere he went - from the moment he started to navigate the house, with all its sharp edges and hard-to-clean corners, to the first day he drives on a freeway, and way beyond that. I wanted to guard his heart from all pain and suffering. I thought, "This precious angel doesn't deserve all that."

That was the very first time that I saw the world through the eyes of my parents. Suddenly, their "ridiculous fears" did not seem so ridiculous anymore, their rules did not seem as harsh as they once felt, and their wisdom... oh, how very wrong I was to think that I already knew everything! As I was holding Edward, with overwhelming love bursting out of my eyes in the form of tears, all I could think about were the times when I let my parents down, and how many times I would not believe them when they said, "We only want what's best for you." I felt an instant stronger connection with my parents. This must be how they felt about me. I never once again doubted their love, sacrifice, and intentions.

But perhaps, the most profound way that parenthood changed me was how I related to the Father. One look at the crucifix and I can't even begin to comprehend how that kind of love is even possible. I have watched The Passion of the Christ more than a few times, and there is always one paricular scene in that movie that just rips my heart out of my chest: When Jesus falls on the ground and Mother Mary runs towards Him... and it flashes back to the time when He fell as a little boy - how afraid Mary must have already felt then, and how powerless she feels now that her Son is dying. For the Father to deliver His Son to such suffering and eventual death, in order to save His other sons and daughters from dying - that truly is "the greatest love the world has known."

So the next time you are second-guessing if God truly loves you, just look at the children in your lives - they may be your own, your godchildren, your nieces or nephews, your students - and think about how much you love them. Imagine that love...

[Little Nutbrown Hare] looked beyond the thornbushes, out into the big dark night. Nothing could be farther than the sky. "I love you right up to the moon," he said, and closed his eyes.

"Oh, that's far," said Big Nutbrown Hare. "That is very far."

Big Nutbrown Hare settled Little Nutbrown Hare into his bed of leaves. He leaned over and kissed him good night. Then he lay down close by and whispered with a smile, "I love you right up to the moon -

and back."

Now imagine a love that goes well beyond the moon, the stars, and the sun... beyond the planets and the constellations... beyond the systems and the galaxies...

and back...

Now that is just a speck of God's infinite love for you and me.

Dear Lord, Your love is everlasting and unconditional. Thank You for loving me, a mere sinful daughter of Yours. Help me to love my children the way that You love me.